Mother, author, poet, educator, escapee. Obsessed with finding ease in relationships, health, wellbeing and the juggling of life.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Hello Medium Siblings!

I hail from the United Kingdom as you’ll probably note from my weird spellings and quaint little phrases.

I write under a pseudonym because I run a few businesses and have a madcap family and psycho ex-husband, who while they are all wonderful inspiration for my tales and articles, would never be grateful to know that I let out all my frustrations and stress so freely and with such bare-knuckle honesty.

My goal on Medium is to help fellow…


Abuse by Proxy, Anticipation, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Apology

A naked girl with long dark hair is sat in darkness. ‘Love shouldn’t hurt’ is written on her back.
Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

Hello! There’s so much to learn about narcissism that, for the moment you finally work out you’ve been a target, victimised and gaslit all this time, I’ve put together a quick reference glossary over a series of articles under each letter of the alphabet to help you understand and begin recovery.

Please note this is a glossary of terms with the briefest of explanations as a very rudimentary introduction to aspects of narcissism for victims who may be trying to understand how they may have been gaslit. They are general and…


One Day in the Life of Ivanka the Bitch, A Novel, Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

10.36 am — Dangley Porn

Join businesswoman Ivanka Tupolevka on the day she’s about to lose everything in the apocalyptic gulag of her divorce, with Brexshit to deal with, no HRT and surrounded by ‘fuckers’, will she ever escape the psycho ex and save her daughter?

Still at the hospital with Artur…

Title written in red against a fast moving train window.

Ok, back into the routine: he pops to the loo to do his sample and I bag us two seats together if I can find them, otherwise, we stand together and hover until someone has…


By J’Accuse! left-behind parent in paternal child abduction.

FAMILY COURT ON TRIAL: Final Part 17

Expert Voices

Photo by Hush Naidoo Jade Photography on Unsplash

The fact of hidden traumas inflicted on children and targeted parents by family court judges and custody evaluators finding for abusers is dimmed and distorted by so much institutional gaslighting that victims emerge confused.

Here is a short list of expert voices bringing clarity:

Family Court & Institutional Betrayal

Bemiller, M. (July 14, 2010). When Battered Mothers Lose Custody: A Qualitative Study of Abuse at Home and in the Courts, Journal of Child Custody, 5:3–4, 228–255, DOI: 10.1080/15379410802583742.

Chesler, P. (December 23, 2013). Can ‘Good Enough’ Mothers Lose Custody of Their Children to Violent and Abusive…


By J’Accuse! left-behind parent in paternal child abduction.

FAMILY COURT ON TRIAL: Part 16

Coda

Photo by Beth Jnr on Unsplash

After her father abducted her, our daughter never lived with me again.

But that brave, smart, wise girl — whom he dragged within one decade from one girlfriend to the next among various homes and apartments — was able to partially escape paternal control in her teenage years, at which time she emotionally reconnected with me. She succeeded in fully escaping after high school.

As her father lurched from one unstable living arrangement to the next, I did not go back into family court. I knew that the father and granny…


By J’Accuse! left-behind parent in paternal child abduction.

FAMILY COURT ON TRIAL: Part 15

Family Court Victim Impact Statement: PART 3

Part Three: Grief

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

Mourning is a social ritual that bears witness to (validates) — rather than gaslights or denies, which is cruel! — the fact of loss.

This social ritual not only helps a mourner engage with private grief (so that it doesn’t become the kind of complex, unresolved grief that I have carried for years) but also helps those who would console the grief-stricken.

Ritual distributes among tens or hundreds of people the responsibility for comforting a mourner, and it has scripts because people wouldn’t otherwise necessarily know what to say; it’s too…


By J’Accuse! left-behind parent in paternal child abduction.

FAMILY COURT ON TRIAL: Part 14

Family Court Victim Impact Statement: PART 2

Part Two: Shock and Shame

Photo by Mélody P on Unsplash

Shock

The hostility and gaslighting to which judges and evaluators subjected me was so relentless and overpowering that it shocked me to my core and has permanently shaken my faith in humanity and social systems.

I was blindsided by the family court’s escalating betrayals of my child and by the particularly corrupt second social worker-evaluator’s gleeful maltreatment of me.

If I had never been forced to interact with that custody evaluator, presumably I never would have knowingly crossed paths with a criminal.

Her protégés (the serial plaintiff and his mommy) practiced crude…


By J’Accuse! left-behind parent in paternal child abduction.

FAMILY COURT ON TRIAL: Part 13

Family Court Victim Impact Statement: PART 1

Part One: Confusion, Voicelessness, Helplessness & Hopelessness

Photo by Anna Zakharova on Unsplash

Family court is an abusive system that sacrifices children and destroys protective parents.

It is not my place to speak for my now-adult daughter or her lived childhood experience.

But for myself, I do speak.

I will not finesse this — I am a profoundly traumatized victim of dishonorable judges and court-affiliated mental health professionals (social workers and psychologists) who make dishonorable livings by colluding with vindictive serial plaintiffs.

I walked into family court intact, determined to protect my child from paternal abuse, and crawled out four years later financially broken…


By J’Accuse! left-behind parent in paternal child abduction.

FAMILY COURT ON TRIAL: Part 12

Forgiveness? Nah.

Photo by Gemma Evans on Unsplash
  • Narc abusers intentionally choose their targets.
  • Flying monkeys intentionally choose to facilitate the abuse, or to turn a blind eye (appeasement and gaslighting).

Narcs and flying monkeys know that they’re hurting the vulnerable or powerless (a child, a spouse, an elder, or another person [or animal]), but they don’t care.

They’re Machiavellian — the end justifies the means.

And they’re bullies; they only abuse those weaker than they, and they abuse behind closed doors so that they don’t get caught.

Narcs and flying monkeys know the difference between good and evil…


By J’Accuse! left-behind parent in paternal child abduction.

FAMILY COURT ON TRIAL: Part 11

Sodom, Gomorrah, and the Family Court

A blasted tree, black against desert dunes of pinkish sand.
Photo by Ryan Cheng on Unsplash

No judge or evaluator brought even an iota of integrity, courage, or discernment to what should be sacred professional duties on behalf of endangered children.

At the time, I didn’t understand why.

The question perplexes in the way that good-hearted but naïve readers are perplexed by the Biblical story of Sodom and Gomorrah: How is it even possible that not ten righteous people could be found?

Now I do understand.

Hidden at the core of every closed, self-serving, enmeshed social system are these actors:

  • Virtue-signaling, self-serving abusers and flying monkeys wielding…

Alexis Behrend

Mother, author, poet, educator, escapee. Obsessed with finding ease in relationships, health, wellbeing and the juggling of life. alexisbehrend.com

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